Salt + Soul Adventures

Getting salty, smiling, and chasing experiences

Author: Jena Buchan

  • FOSY (fear of saying ‘yes’)

    Many of you have heard of FOMO, fear of missing out.  Dragging yourself along to something, even if part of you is screaming, “Dooooonnn’t maaakkkke meeeeee, I just wanna stay in my sweatpants and drink hot cocoa”, because you’re anxious if you don’t go you’ll ‘miss out’.  The thing is, either way you ‘miss out’ on something.  It could be that rager party where out of nowhere Ice Cube showed up (he was just in a movie I watched, first name that came to mind) and put on a free gig, or that night staying in curled up with the dogs and getting a much-needed rest.  Whether you choose A or B, you’re missing out on the other thing.  Basically, you should have FOMO 24/7 as such. 

    Some of you may have had the life-changing experience of reading ‘Choose your own adventure’ books growing up (if you have not, get online NOW and find one, they are magical).  By life-changing, for many I mean anxiety-causing freakout reading sessions constantly worried you’d chosen the wrong adventure, and then having no flipping idea how to go back and choose again, even though you’d thought you just turned a single page.  If you have no idea what I’m ranting about, basically the book would get to a certain point of the story, and you’d either choose to go down the dark narrow alley chasing what looked like a lost puppy (please turn to page 28) or get in the cab you’d called earlier and was pulling up right as the alleged puppy gave a little howl somewhere in the foreboding darkness (please turn to page 39).  After choosing A of course (you better have picked the puppy!) and then realising it wasn’t a puppy at all but in fact a werewolf, try as you might you could never turn back the pages to find where that branch-off was and try again!  See, FOMO is everywhere, cause while every part of you was saying, “Hey dumbass don’t go down that dark, horror movie style alley”, ya did, as you were worried you just might miss out on a puppy.  Those of you who are less susceptible to FOMO, however, are currently cosied up in a cab heading home to dinner instead of turning into werewolf food.

    What about FOSY though, ‘fear of saying yes’?  As much as I’d like to say I coined this, it has been around for a few years now.  In some cases it can relate to really big stuff, like social anxiety, financial stress making people feel a need to turn down things, and lack of self-confidence.  It may even be something worth seeking professional support for, as social wellbeing is more and more showing to be one of the cornerstones of good overall wellbeing.  There is also the side of FOSY where we struggle to say “yes” as we’re concerned ‘future us’ would really wish we’d have said no.  If you’re a Facebook events responder, have a think about how many times you take that glorious ‘tentative’ option when responding…even when you know you are 100% free that day and it sounds like a pretty good time (this is me, most every time).  It isn’t like I don’t want to go!  However, the further away it is, the more time I have to think about everything else I ‘should’ be doing by the time that event arrives (ya know, laundry, meal prep, building a pizza oven from the ground up).  By the time that day arrives, I’ve either completely talked myself out of it, and also written about 4000 messages to the host in my head about why I can’t suddenly make it after panicking and clicking ‘yes’ just yesterday, or less commonly managed to rally and go because the guilt has gotten the best of me.  If the later, I then often have a wonderful time as wherever you go, there you are=I’m often too stubborn to be miserable once I get there (unless it’s after 8pm, then get me home or I often turn into the grown-up version of a cranky toddler who just wants her dogs and bed).

    Be if FOSY or FOMO, both mean you miss out on one thing but experience another.  However, we too often focus on what we didn’t do, when instead we could be embracing what we did.  Either way, it was our choice in the end (unless you have been physically forced to attend the event you so desperately wanted to avoid, in which case you may as well make the most of it anyway since you’re there=still have some choice).  Other than a Magic 8 ball, there’s no way yet to predict the future nor return to the past.  So, instead of freaking out about FOSY or FOMO, consider trying a little JOWYA, and finding ‘joy in where you are’ (t-shirts coming soon…).  Now, back to my cocoa and dogs, my ‘yes’ for this evening (and lets be honest, most nights really).

  • Pond Ponderings

    Around this time last year, we decided to put in a swim pond.  Think fish pond, but for humans (though there are also fish, but little ones who won’t bite my butt or anything).  We had a corner of our yard that was a constant mud pit, a delight for the dogs until they realised playing in it=a hose-down and extra hours outside ‘cold and alone’…they’re a bit dramatic.  We’d begun considering putting a plunge pool in, as we’re on the Gold Coast and all the cool kids have one.  However, what to me looked like a big concrete or steel cube apparently cost $30,000+, and that was the basic one without any sort of pump, heater, etc.  Epp.  I suggested to Rob we could probably just get a second-hand water tank and cut the top off or something, and starting to send some Marketplace listings of options.  He was about to head overseas again for his yearly three months in Europe chasing summer while the dogs and I were left ‘cold and alone’ (see where they get it from…) in the Aus winter.  Whether it was the terror of another one of my ‘Hey babe look what I did while you were away!’ home DIY projects, or pure luck, he found something called swim ponds.  These magical backyard dreams were naturally filtering, chemical-free alternatives to pools, and even okay for dogs to swim in!   Keep talking Rob…

    Lo and behold, one of the companies was currently doing one with our house builder, and based locally!  After managing to get an appointment with them, and learning our space would be a bit tricky to access for equipment but workable, we were sold.  It also helped they could do it pretty much straight away, just before we were heading overseas (ok I wasn’t going to be all alone the whole three months, I got to go the first few weeks with Rob).  A few weeks and less than half the price of a plunge pool later, we had a swim pond, complete with its own waterfall!  It’s also two metres deep in the middle, meaning the volleyball lads love it and the dog is entertained for hours when his frisbee sinks to the bottom. 

    So, here I currently sit, pondering by the pond and warming back up in the sun as seems in winter this magical oasis is basically a giant ice-bath.  It’s Sunday, which usually means yard work and tinkering around the house, with today no exception.  However, after about seven hours of chorin’, I figure it’s rest time.  That’s a bit of a new concept for me, as someone who regularly feels like I need to be doing something to make the most of the day.  However, in recent months I’ve realised down time is sometimes the best thing I could be doing.  I read a quote the other week about how doing lots of things isn’t the same as doing the right things, but if you’re constantly staying busy you don’t allow yourself the time and space to reflect on what those right things are.  So, you just end up doing ‘stuff’ constantly but still never feeling like you’ve actually made progress towards your goals, if you even know what they are, or really done anything at all.  Yup, getting deep down here by our deep pond.  This doesn’t just go for work, though that’s probably where it may be most obvious to notice.  It’s also our finances, social life and relationships, health, and probably every other facet of life.  For example, I’m a health professional, and constantly I see clients who ‘have tried everything’ but still can’t lose weight, or feel stronger, or have more energy.  Often, it’s because they are doing so many things, but not the ‘right’ things.  They move from one approach or workout routine to the next to the next in short succession, without allowing the downtime or just time in general to see results. 

    Personally, I was like that in relationships, especially friendships.  I constantly felt like I needed to be meeting new people, and moving to new places or trying new activities, and therefore changing my friends along with it.  When I finally slowed down though, I realised there were only a few people I felt I could call for a lift to the airport at an ungodly hour (the true test of friendship).  My busyness was leaving me lonely and disconnected.  While I still like to meet new people and experience new things, now I also recognise the importance of deeper friendships, and simply being with these folks, possibly not even doing a thing. 

    Well, the sun has now moved behind a tree and coldness is demanding I get back to doing (the right thing though=inside and warm shower!).  However, if you’ve made it this far, give yourself a little space every day to stop, breath out slowly, and take a break from ‘doing’.  Then, make sure when you start back up, what you’re doing has a relevant purpose for you.  Good luck!